Time For Emotional Spring Cleaning

I mentioned on Instagram this past week that I have been taking a little time off and quite frankly, have briefly checked out for a little. These feelings are something that’s been boiling up in me for the past month or two and something that I’ve only expressed to a few close people to me. So with the season of Spring in full swing, (maybe not the weather…but the months haha), I am talking Spring cleaning. Not the de-clutter your closet kind of Spring cleaning, but the emotional, soul searching kind. This past week I had coffee with a good friend of mine, and all these feelings just started to pour out into our conversation. At that point, I hadn’t even slightly addressed my feelings online. She isn’t a blogger and uses social media the way most people do, so I wasn’t sure she would entirely understand what I was expressing to her. And even though she wasn’t able to fully relate, she did. She really encouraged me to share which is always really vulnerable thing to do, but after talking through a lot of this, I agreed. So then comes today’s post.

This all started for me awhile back, when I was thinking about my blog, what kind of content I put out there, and how does what I put out make people feel about themselves? What value does it have? I know in today’s age the comparison game is everywhere. At times I have even felt myself getting dragged into it. I touched on it awhile ago (here) when I was really struggling with it and since then have had a complete mind shift and my emotional state of the ‘comparison trap’ has gotten tons and tons better. I love that I can now catch myself drifting down the path of it and snap myself out of it. All this said, I started to realize that if I’m comparing my life/looks/clothing/lifestyle to others…there are probably people out there doing the same thing to me. Comparing themselves to me. This did not settle well and kind of started this little downward spiral that I recently went through.

Online and in my personal life, something I always want is the ability to relate to people. Relationships are HUGE for me and something I value so much. As my Instagram following started to grow, I really wanted to make sure I always prioritized this with my community that I was working so hard at creating. I want to be super real and honest with you guys and truly express what I’ve been going through so I will try to word all of this the best I can, but bear with me.

Al and I live a super blessed life. We have been blessed with family, friendships, finding each other at a young age, and blessed with our opportunities and lifestyle. I know that some people that read this might be in similar situations as us…at the same time, I’m also aware that a lot of people are not. I never want to be ‘showy’ or to act like our life is more glamorous than it is to you guys. I do love our life and feel insanely grateful – but not everything is perfect, just like every other person’s life…in the whole world. All that said, this is our life and I want to share it with you guys and have you a part of it. It is what I signed up for and I absolutely love bringing you guys along on our journey through not only the good times, but also the bad or frustrating or painful times too. I am so grateful that this awesome community of ladies follow along, reach out to me when I’m feeling down, and celebrate with me in happy moments. It’s really an unreal feeling to genuinely feel like you have this entire online family! I also know there are both positives and negatives that can come from social media. I know for some people, they can feel defeated and discouraged by scrolling through their feeds. They get stuck in comparison and it really does steal their joy. A huge fear of mine is to be someone who causes this reaction in people. I want to inspire, connect, bring laughs, and also be showing people fashion trends, beauty products, and those types of things at the same time. This leads into the ‘part two’ of my little rut I’ve been in.

As you all know I’m sure, the blogging world is super saturated. So many girls and women have chosen this path as their own, which is absolutely amazing. I have found tons of joy in blogging and only wish all of that plus more for others. At the same time, it does make it hard to stand out, create unique content, and have something different than everyone else. My thoughts lately have been wondering around the questions of what do I personally have to offer? What do I bring to the world that is unique, that not every other girl is doing? It’s really hard to look at yourself and name things that are unique I’ll admit. It’s something I’ve struggled with forever, it’s nothing new. It just seemed to hit me harder than usual this past month or so. Some ways I am going conquer this myself are to write with more meaning. I want to do more ‘diary’ style posts, talk more about our personal life and what we are going through or experiences we’ve had rather than always trends, products, and materialistic things. Although I do have a passion for those topics and that is why lots of you have started to follow along so I of course will continue to do these things too. Just switch it up a little more and get a little deeper than surface level with some posts.

I am still working through all this so I don’t have any concrete answers to give you guys at the end of this long post, but I do feel like more clarity is coming my direction and I have been inspired again lately. I have had long talks with a dear friend of mine who often struggles with the comparison game so I did want to quickly touch on this before I wrap this up. If any of you reading this find yourselves getting sucked into scrolling through certain people’s profiles constantly or always thinking about someone else’s looks, body, success, marriage, trips, etc. – remember that the measure of another’s success does not determine your own. The presence of someone else’s beauty does not mean the absence of your own. So often you forget that you are just as capable or just as beautifully made. Everybody’s timelines are different and everyone’s journeys are different. Just because someone gets somewhere before you do, doesn’t mean you didn’t also get there. This goes in reverse too. Just because you got there quicker than someone else, doesn’t mean they didn’t get there too. I GENUINELY believe in lifting each other up, being happy for one another, and that every single person’s unique story is BEAUTIFUL. All of this circles back to the fact that social media is people’s highlight reel of their life. You can’t blame people for only wanting to post photos of their house when it’s clean, or photos of their kids when they are smiling, etc. Some people do a mixture of the clean and the messy which is amazing! But the majority don’t, and that’s just always something you have to remind yourself.

I know today’s post was so long and definitely more of a diary entry, but I felt the need to write my emotions out and share them with you guys and already feel SO much better even just typing them all out!! It’s crazy how when something has been bottled up for awhile, it changes the second you voice it. Maybe not all of it, but a huge weight can be lifted from shedding light on a shadowed situation, aka speaking it out. A huge priority of mine stepping forward is BALANCE. I want to limit my time ‘mindless’ on social media, only going on it to connect / post. I want to prioritize my friendships. Friends are sometimes a hard thing to keep up with as your life changes and as you all enter new stages but I know myself and how important nourishing those relationships are to me. I want to make more time for my devotional / Bible study book I’m currently doing and have been falling behind in. (I talked about that a little more in this post!) Balance in these categories of my life are crucial and I feel so good I’ve recognized the craziness and can tackle it.

Sorry for the novel today friends! Lots has been on my mind lately and if you stuck it out to the end…you are loyal haha! Don’t be shy and comment below. I know I addressed a few different topics today so I would absolutely love to hear from you guys and get some conversation going 🙂 Thank you for your continuous support!!

All my love!

Xx,

Photo x Karli Goetz